Sunday, March 03, 2013
Saturday, March 02, 2013
Forgive Yourself
“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves,
no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to
learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've
chosen to go.”
Friday, March 01, 2013
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
To Blog Or Not To Blog
If it's not obvious by the lack of regular posts, I haven't really been feeling the blog love much over the last few years. I like blogs in concept but in actuality blogs stir up a lot of issues for me, a lot of issues. Where to begin:
1. I first discovered blogs in 2001 when I was working from home on our now nonexistent collectibles website www.sparklefactory.com. I stumbled onto the Blogger site and I was like puzzled and curious and unsure of what one would do with a blog. I remember having the fleeting notion of "Wow, you could write anything you want and people all over the world can read it." It scared me. But still I tested it here. As you can see from the confusing collection of posts, it was a strange new land. After my initial blog explorations I really didn't do much with it because I was busy with our regular website and doing things like taking digital pictures and uploading new shopping carts. I was also trying to teach myself html. Oh and then I went and got myself married off in 2002. Things were moving fast and I didn't have a lot of time left over.
2. Time starts to accelerate even more in 2004 when I give birth to my first child. It was quite an emotional roller coaster ride. I was also working full time as a marketing assistant in a corporate office. I worked up until a week before my due date. Then we were lucky enough to be able to make the decision that I would stay home and take care of the baby. We didn't have any family who could help and child care was outrageous in Los Angeles. A few months into the baby thing and I started to fool around on the computer again. That is when I started this blog.
3. My attempts to blog on a regular basis were in direct conflict with my irritating habit of getting caught up on the details to the point where it sabotages the entire project. I was not sure that "sparkle mom" was the right name for my blog. Mostly because I didn't always feel sparkly. I often felt drained and exhausted. I also wasn't sure what I wanted my blog to be about. Did I really want it to be just about motherhood or did I want it to be more about creative expression? I often have so many ideas that it becomes difficult for me to focus and define a project.
4. In a flash of inspired brilliance I decided on the "poet mama" name because "mama" sounds more all-encompassing than "mom" and because poetry is something I've always enjoyed since adolescence. Really what I wanted was a blog that revolved around written words and if my parenting experiences snuck in there then so be it.
5. In 2008 I became pregnant with my second child and everything went to hell in a hand basket. Ha Ha. No really, I was so frazzled and short on extra time that I made the conscious decision that I wanted to really be present with my infant daughter, instead of stressing about my next blog post. I had recently read This book by Eckhart Tolle and it made a huge impact on me. I had spent much of my older child's infancy stressed about maintaining and updating the previously mentioned and now defunct website. I did not want to repeat the same mistake with my precious new baby girl. I turned off the computer and I sat in a big comfy chair with my baby asleep on my chest for what seemed like a whole year. Some of my girlfriends even made fun of me. They said "Why don't you put her in the crib once she's asleep?" And you know what? I'm so glad I didn't listen to them. I mean I did sometimes but other times I just sat and held her and watched TV between feedings.
6. Now that little baby is a healthy and vivacious four year old who recently started preschool. I start to find a little bit more time for myself here and there. I start to think about writing again and I end up perusing the blogosphere. I end up second-guessing the name I picked for my blog because I think that maybe true literary scholars will end up here and make fun of me for having "poet" in the title. There are so many talented writers out there. There are talented bloggers who have more children than I do and younger children than I do. I try not to let that make me feel bad about myself. "The fruit will fall from the tree when it is ripe." I remind myself. This is not a contest. This is about doing something that feels good. And writing is something that has always felt good to me. That is how I find myself back in this place again. And I absolutely refuse to change names again :-)
1. I first discovered blogs in 2001 when I was working from home on our now nonexistent collectibles website www.sparklefactory.com. I stumbled onto the Blogger site and I was like puzzled and curious and unsure of what one would do with a blog. I remember having the fleeting notion of "Wow, you could write anything you want and people all over the world can read it." It scared me. But still I tested it here. As you can see from the confusing collection of posts, it was a strange new land. After my initial blog explorations I really didn't do much with it because I was busy with our regular website and doing things like taking digital pictures and uploading new shopping carts. I was also trying to teach myself html. Oh and then I went and got myself married off in 2002. Things were moving fast and I didn't have a lot of time left over.
2. Time starts to accelerate even more in 2004 when I give birth to my first child. It was quite an emotional roller coaster ride. I was also working full time as a marketing assistant in a corporate office. I worked up until a week before my due date. Then we were lucky enough to be able to make the decision that I would stay home and take care of the baby. We didn't have any family who could help and child care was outrageous in Los Angeles. A few months into the baby thing and I started to fool around on the computer again. That is when I started this blog.
3. My attempts to blog on a regular basis were in direct conflict with my irritating habit of getting caught up on the details to the point where it sabotages the entire project. I was not sure that "sparkle mom" was the right name for my blog. Mostly because I didn't always feel sparkly. I often felt drained and exhausted. I also wasn't sure what I wanted my blog to be about. Did I really want it to be just about motherhood or did I want it to be more about creative expression? I often have so many ideas that it becomes difficult for me to focus and define a project.
4. In a flash of inspired brilliance I decided on the "poet mama" name because "mama" sounds more all-encompassing than "mom" and because poetry is something I've always enjoyed since adolescence. Really what I wanted was a blog that revolved around written words and if my parenting experiences snuck in there then so be it.
5. In 2008 I became pregnant with my second child and everything went to hell in a hand basket. Ha Ha. No really, I was so frazzled and short on extra time that I made the conscious decision that I wanted to really be present with my infant daughter, instead of stressing about my next blog post. I had recently read This book by Eckhart Tolle and it made a huge impact on me. I had spent much of my older child's infancy stressed about maintaining and updating the previously mentioned and now defunct website. I did not want to repeat the same mistake with my precious new baby girl. I turned off the computer and I sat in a big comfy chair with my baby asleep on my chest for what seemed like a whole year. Some of my girlfriends even made fun of me. They said "Why don't you put her in the crib once she's asleep?" And you know what? I'm so glad I didn't listen to them. I mean I did sometimes but other times I just sat and held her and watched TV between feedings.
6. Now that little baby is a healthy and vivacious four year old who recently started preschool. I start to find a little bit more time for myself here and there. I start to think about writing again and I end up perusing the blogosphere. I end up second-guessing the name I picked for my blog because I think that maybe true literary scholars will end up here and make fun of me for having "poet" in the title. There are so many talented writers out there. There are talented bloggers who have more children than I do and younger children than I do. I try not to let that make me feel bad about myself. "The fruit will fall from the tree when it is ripe." I remind myself. This is not a contest. This is about doing something that feels good. And writing is something that has always felt good to me. That is how I find myself back in this place again. And I absolutely refuse to change names again :-)
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Pitter-Pattering
I really want to write this blog again. I need a creative outlet. It has been the most difficult (at least it feels that way) two years of my life. I need to purge, to get rid of some of it in order to make way for new things. Better things. Happier things.
Tonight it is raining in Los Angeles. It is late for the rainy season but I'll take it. I love it when it rains in LA. The rain here is usually so sporadic and weak. But this is a steady 12 hour shower according to the Doppler genie. The chance to listen to the steady pitter-pattering of rain on the brick patio is like having a transcendental meditative experience. I love it. I miss it and I embrace it.
Tonight my family sleeps and I become one with the rain. I also decide to embrace this blog again. With no excuses, no justifications, and no promises. Tonight I am going to start writing for nobody but myself.
Tonight it is raining in Los Angeles. It is late for the rainy season but I'll take it. I love it when it rains in LA. The rain here is usually so sporadic and weak. But this is a steady 12 hour shower according to the Doppler genie. The chance to listen to the steady pitter-pattering of rain on the brick patio is like having a transcendental meditative experience. I love it. I miss it and I embrace it.
Tonight my family sleeps and I become one with the rain. I also decide to embrace this blog again. With no excuses, no justifications, and no promises. Tonight I am going to start writing for nobody but myself.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes. . .
I'm sure all three of my loyal readers have been wondering where I've been. There is a lot going on in PoetMama land. Two very major changes are simultaneously occurring. I have not had the time or inspiration for blogging. The two very major life changes are as follows:
1. I'm expecting. What you may ask am I expecting? There are many things I expect out of life - joy, love and inspiration to name a few. But I am expecting something much bigger than that. I am expecting my second child around the last week in November/first week in December.
I have not blogged about this because I am not one of those mommy bloggers who finds pleasure in blogging about gory gynecological details. I tend to be a rather private person which puts me at odds with the whole concept of blogging to begin with. But I still enjoy this blog as an outlet for creative expression. So there you have it. Oh yeah, and I have already had an amnio and found out that it's another girl. Woohoo! Can you say "hand-me-down clothes!"
2. We are moving. Yes, after ten years in the same stunning Studio City apartment we are finally moving to an adorable little duplex in Burbank. I am very excited about the new place. There are lots of fruit trees growing in the yard; lemon, tangerine and grapefruit. It has more square footage and it is a very peaceful neighborhood with many young children as neighbors. The only problem is that moving does not mix well with being five months pregnant (and being the primary care provider for a 3 1/2 year old.) I am exhausted and it is taking a will of steel to get through this. I know it will be worth it in the end. We so desperately needed a change and this place came along like a diamond in the rough. We will be completely out of our old place by August 4th. We have not yet figured out our Internet service yet so there may be a brief period when we are without Internet. How will we survive?!?! I do look forward to getting settled into the new place and getting a new comfort zone established. It will also allow me to fully explore my hormonal nesting instincts. Needless to say, I won't be blogging for awhile but I will eventually be back with new adventures - toward the end of August. Wish me good luck and good juju. Hope you are enjoying your summer, whatever it may bring you.
1. I'm expecting. What you may ask am I expecting? There are many things I expect out of life - joy, love and inspiration to name a few. But I am expecting something much bigger than that. I am expecting my second child around the last week in November/first week in December.
I have not blogged about this because I am not one of those mommy bloggers who finds pleasure in blogging about gory gynecological details. I tend to be a rather private person which puts me at odds with the whole concept of blogging to begin with. But I still enjoy this blog as an outlet for creative expression. So there you have it. Oh yeah, and I have already had an amnio and found out that it's another girl. Woohoo! Can you say "hand-me-down clothes!"
2. We are moving. Yes, after ten years in the same stunning Studio City apartment we are finally moving to an adorable little duplex in Burbank. I am very excited about the new place. There are lots of fruit trees growing in the yard; lemon, tangerine and grapefruit. It has more square footage and it is a very peaceful neighborhood with many young children as neighbors. The only problem is that moving does not mix well with being five months pregnant (and being the primary care provider for a 3 1/2 year old.) I am exhausted and it is taking a will of steel to get through this. I know it will be worth it in the end. We so desperately needed a change and this place came along like a diamond in the rough. We will be completely out of our old place by August 4th. We have not yet figured out our Internet service yet so there may be a brief period when we are without Internet. How will we survive?!?! I do look forward to getting settled into the new place and getting a new comfort zone established. It will also allow me to fully explore my hormonal nesting instincts. Needless to say, I won't be blogging for awhile but I will eventually be back with new adventures - toward the end of August. Wish me good luck and good juju. Hope you are enjoying your summer, whatever it may bring you.
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