PoetMama

Picking Up Where We Left Off. . .

2009-03-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

Coming soon! I'm getting my groove back. . .

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes. . .

2008-07-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sure all three of my loyal readers have been wondering where I've been. There is a lot going on in PoetMama land. Two very major changes are simultaneously occurring. I have not had the time or inspiration for blogging. The two very major life changes are as follows:

1. I'm expecting. What you may ask am I expecting? There are many things I expect out of life - joy, love and inspiration to name a few. But I am expecting something much bigger than that. I am expecting my second child around the last week in November/first week in December.
I have not blogged about this because I am not one of those mommy bloggers who finds pleasure in blogging about gory gynecological details. I tend to be a rather private person which puts me at odds with the whole concept of blogging to begin with. But I still enjoy this blog as an outlet for creative expression. So there you have it. Oh yeah, and I have already had an amnio and found out that it's another girl. Woohoo! Can you say "hand-me-down clothes!"

2. We are moving. Yes, after ten years in the same stunning Studio City apartment we are finally moving to an adorable little duplex in Burbank. I am very excited about the new place. There are lots of fruit trees growing in the yard; lemon, tangerine and grapefruit. It has more square footage and it is a very peaceful neighborhood with many young children as neighbors. The only problem is that moving does not mix well with being five months pregnant (and being the primary care provider for a 3 1/2 year old.) I am exhausted and it is taking a will of steel to get through this. I know it will be worth it in the end. We so desperately needed a change and this place came along like a diamond in the rough. We will be completely out of our old place by August 4th. We have not yet figured out our Internet service yet so there may be a brief period when we are without Internet. How will we survive?!?! I do look forward to getting settled into the new place and getting a new comfort zone established. It will also allow me to fully explore my hormonal nesting instincts. Needless to say, I won't be blogging for awhile but I will eventually be back with new adventures - toward the end of August. Wish me good luck and good juju. Hope you are enjoying your summer, whatever it may bring you.

For Realz!

2008-06-19T17:29:00.001-07:00

At 4:00 this afternoon the temperature gauge on my car said 118 degrees!

Happy Friday The 13th To You

2008-06-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

May your day be strangely filled with good fortune. Actually I have always considered Friday the 13th to be kind of a lucky day, like an "anything can happen" kind of day. May good luck cross your path today.

For Your Entertainment - Alternate Lives I'd Like to Lead

2008-06-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a Weeki Wachee Mermaid. I used to keep this postcard taped to my desk:

The back reads "Weeki Wachee - Spring of the Mermaids - World's original and only all underwater theatre. Florida's most exciting and amazing attraction. The Mermaids perform under water for thirty long minutes! You must see it to believe it! Located on U.S. 19 at Florida 50; sixty miles north of St. Petersburg."

Alas, some dreams we must give up after a certain time. But I still hope to visit someday.

Polaroid Manifesto

2008-06-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

This mercury retrograde period has gotten me a little funked, folks. The focus has somehow been on a period of my life 10 years ago, in 1998. It has involved a lot of strange dreams, memories and re connections from that time period. I decided to let myself go with it. It's good to reflect sometimes. I found this Polaroid which was taken on January 1, 1998 - New Years Day. This is one of the top 5 Polaroids I have taken in my life - mostly due to the emotional symbolism of that day. Here it is:

I was in the car driving back from Carbondale, IL after a rowdy and infused night of New Year's Eve celebrating at PK's Tavern with some good friends (you know who you are.)

We had all crashed out at a good friend's trailer, as many of us were coming from out of town at that point. That New Year's Eve was one of the last fun-filled and completely reckless abandonment nights that I remember with these dear friends of mine who have now all settled down (for the most part.) It was a fun night involving a lot of dancing and a lot of beer.

The next morning was beautiful, a clear blue sky and not really even that cold for the Midwest in January. It almost seemed too balmy to be New Year's Day. As we drove along the empty Interstate I remember feeling infused with a hopeful anticipation for the year ahead. I grabbed my Polaroid and snapped a picture of the majestic morning sky. I grabbed my sharpie marker and wrote the bottom text because I KNEW it was going to be a really good year.

I was not particularly happy with my life at that time. As a matter of fact 1997 was one of the worst years of my life. I had recently ended a difficult relationship and I felt like I had been through the wringer. The upside was that I had recently read this book and I felt spiritually renewed with a great sense of optimism about the future. I felt that the new year would hold great change for me. I was right.

I decided to make only one New Year's Resolution; "That by the end of the year, I would be living in an entirely different and new place." I had no idea where that would be. I had a few ideas floating around in the back of my head (Austin, TX, Portland, OR, Santa Fe, NM) but I was totally open to the possibilities. Even though I knew none of the details about the future, I was confident that my intention would come to fruition and it did. . .

A few months after this New Year's Polaroid was taken I realized that I needed to move to L.A. I had been resisting out of fear. L.A. seemed like the scariest place in the world to move to. I had to do it to prove to myself that I could.

Miraculously, ways and means fell into place with a type of electric synchronicity. I sold off half of my possessions, split a U-Haul with a friend who was moving to San Diego, and by May 1st, 1998 I was crashed out on the couch of my dear friend T who helped me out a great deal during the moving process.

I think it's pretty amazing that only 5 months after snapping that Polaroid, my resolution had completely manifested into reality. It was one of the most difficult but exhilarating things I have ever done.

Today when I look at this Polaroid it makes me wistful. I wish that I could again feel such a faithful certainty about the future, without needing to know the "hows or whens." That is something I try to work on everyday. Several people have mysteriously said to me lately "More will be revealed." Maybe it's time for me to take a new Polaroid Manifesto.

I can't believe I just spent $70 at the gas pump.

2008-06-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

And that's for a sedan, not an SUV.

Can You Believe this?

2008-06-02T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today I was running some errands with Nova in the backseat. As I sat at a busy intersection in the left turn lane I decided to hesitate instead of turning left as there were several cars approaching the intersection in the oncoming lane. Granted, I probably could have made my left hand turn but I was also not in any big hurry and why risk it when you've got a child in the car? And I was feeling a little distracted. Anyway, the car behind me honked. I did nothing but look in the rear view mirror and mutter to the car "Oh, stop honking at me." Well, this crazy ridiculously in a hurry driver decided to dart out from behind me and into the oncoming traffic lane to quickly make a left hand turn around me. Needless to say, he narrowly avoided a bad accident. What was so terribly important that you would risk the lives of many people? Can you believe it?

Untitled

2008-05-31T23:16:00.000-07:00

For D

2008-05-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago today
You took me to the ocean
Past the little hilly store
Pink sunset shrouded
Song from your lips
And the wooden spoons
Promised of all good things
How we believed it
With heightened senses
Exhilarating haze
Soulful intersection
Salty air and tears
Fell beneath the moon
We gave up sleep
Attempted to stall time
Unsuccessfully
Because it always wins in the end
Leaving tiny souvenirs
Buried in my heart

Polaroid My Love

2008-05-26T00:23:00.000-07:00

My love for Polaroid began over a decade ago in 1995. I was a twenty-five year-old film student at SIUC located in the charming college town of Carbondale, Illinois. I knew about Polaroid cameras but had never owned one. Thanks to a couple of splendid college classes (Shooting with Plastic Cameras, and Narrative Photography) and the creative intelligence of a very good friend I learned that Polaroid film could be manipulated and drawn on with any hard edged object. I also learned that you could still purchase the old pull-apart film for old Polaroid Land Cameras. I quickly became addicted to Polaroid.

I thought it would make a great project to take one Polaroid picture a day for a year. That would equal out to approx. $365.00 dollars in cost over a year's time. Not cheap for a college student but I vowed to find a way to fund my Polaroid film habit. I did afford film for at least the first six months and then things got more difficult with my life. I ended up moving back to my hometown to live with a friend. I lost count of the Polaroid project along the way. It was very unorganized but I know that I must have ended up with well over 365 Polaroid pictures from that year and beyond.

In the beginning I labeled each photo with the day # and date. Some of them went unlabeled and there were a few that remained dateless but had a descriptive phrase scribbled on it. That is a beautiful characteristic of Polaroid, the fact that there is enough space on the bottom of the picture to add text or embellishments.

Last week I started to wonder if I could actually locate the Day #1 Polaroid from that old project. Lo and behold I found it very easily today. I have a large Polaroid collage taped to one of the panels of my sliding closet door. I found it right there in the center of the collage:

The date is scribbled on the back - 05-15-95 . I was about to graduate from film school and I had recently decided to shave my head. I had always wanted to see what it would feel like and look like. I figured that the worst that could happen would be that it looked hideous and I could buy a funky wig to wear all the time. I had actually been known to wear a wig or two back then.

I shaved it with the help of my friend Rachel who was the face of the person in the foreground of the picture. We shaved it down to about 1 inch length and I actually loved the way it felt. It felt so incredibly exhilarating and simultaneous frightening. It seems like only the best things in life can provoke those two feelings at the same time. I also loved the way it felt to run my hand over the soft even texture. My head felt light. I felt giddy with excitement and adrenaline.

I didn't dislike the way it looked but it was a shock to get used to it. Unfortunately I have a cowlick on the top of my head which makes my hair grow in the opposite direction from the rest of my hair. I didn't know it was there until I shaved my head. In several of these Polaroids it looks like I have a skunk patch on the top of my head. Then again, it kind of works with the severity of my look. I liked it better as a hairstyle when I bleached it blonde a month later.

Of course my love affair with Polaroid has lasted all these years and I have even been the proud owner of the Izone and JoyCam and Spectra. One of my ongoing projects is to try to get all of my Polaroid photos organized. I remember once that my friend Kati May punched holes in the bottom of her Polaroid pictures and put them all on a large circular carpet sample ring. A very cool idea.

Like many other Polaroid enthusiasts I was saddened to hear the announcement from a few months ago that Polaroid was going to discontinue making the cameras and the film. I rushed right out and bought 3 new one step cameras (one to sell on Ebay) and seven packs of film. I know what you're thinking and you're right. I am crazy. But this Save Polaroid site is full of beautiful testimonials from Polaroid fans. Although my heart is broken, I am keeping the faith that a company will step up and purchase the licensing to continue manufacturing the film. Maybe that sounds like I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I can't imagine life without Polaroid.

Mercury Retrograde - May 26th - June 19th

2008-05-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

I am not a fanatical follower of astrology yet I have always been interested in the movement of planets and what effect they may have on earthly happenings, births, etc. You see, I am a Pisces and when I first read the zodiac descriptions for Pisces I was like "Wow! That's me." That is how my interest in astrology was initially triggered.

I grew up in a very old-fashioned "country" environment where people talked about things like how the best time to ween a baby from a bottle is during a new moon. Just like the farmers of the past consulted the Farmer's Almanac for good planting times, etc., I believe that astrology might give us informational guidance at times. But I do not believe that astrology should be depended upon as a rigid or superstitious way to make decisions. Basically, my underlying beliefs dictate that we never REALLY know how life unfolds or what it has in store for us. And if we think we do know then what sad fools are we?

That being said, I first became interested in mercury retrograde periods about ten years ago when I read about them on my favorite astrologer's site. She no longer has the mercury retrograde information listed on her site but you can read more about it here and here.

Mercury retrograde happens 3 times a year for 3 weeks at a time. Mercury is the planet the rules communication. During a mercury retrograde period it is highly likely that communications and plans can get mucked up and misunderstood. There can also be mechanical problems, like cars breaking down, computers crashing, etc. Many astrologers advise against buying electronic equipment or big ticket items during a mercury retrograde period. It is also not a good time to sign leases or contracts or to embark on binding partnerships.

Sounds very foreboding, huh? That is precisely what I dislike about astrology - negative, foreboding advice. So what is mercury retrograde good for? Many believe it is a time when we are supposed to stop and think instead of act and react. It is a time to look backward and reflect on the past to analyze past choices that we have made. Many times during a mercury retrograde period you will find yourself thinking about or reconnecting with an old friend who may call or email you out of the blue. It is a time when we are supposed to finish up projects which we have already started. It is a good time to clean house, to de-clutter and to give a moment of pause for all the busy business which consumes our lives during the other 43 weeks of the year. It is a time to slow down and reevaluate before we resume forging ahead with our plans and schemes.

Regardless of whether or not you believe in astrology who can argue with setting aside 3 times a year to examine and reflect on your life's course? It sounds like a good idea to me. I try to stay mindful of these things when I discover that a mercury retrograde period is at hand. I have decided it is something I will put into practice when blogging. During mercury retrograde periods I will blog more about things past, old photos, previous poems I've written, etc. It will be my self-defined time to look backwards. Maybe I will learn something about myself. Maybe you will too.

A Drink For You

2008-05-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

A Happy Belated Mother's Day to you! I took some time off to detox from the computer. I had a great Mother's Day; got to sleep in, ate blueberry pancakes and relaxed. I found this frosty looking drink in a vintage Better Homes & Gardens cookbook. It looks irrestible to me!

Tardy Blue Friday

2008-05-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

Blue, you've always been my favorite. And you know it. My heart belongs to you.

Pink/Red Thursday

2008-05-01T22:14:00.000-07:00

Hello pink and/or red. I do love you so. You are a carnival of promise and fun. One is girly and innocent and the other is classic and rich. They each pack a punch on their own and they make a great team. Pink and red.

Orange Wednesday

2008-04-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

Orange ya glad it's me?!

Yellow Tuesday

2008-04-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

Green Monday

2008-04-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

Color Week is so refreshing. Like the color green. It makes me happy. So what if I'm a day behind. . .

(All pics from our recent trip)

My Little Big Girl

2008-04-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of Nova on the return flight from St. Louis to Las Vegas. She looked like a seasoned pro. I cracked up and had to snap this photo. She is watching Land of The Lost on the DVD Player. We're big fans of the 70's around here.

Nova can be such a big girl at times. Tonight she surprised me. Aaron and I decided earlier in the day that we wanted to go out for sushi tonight. I am not a big raw fish eater, but I do love me a California roll, cucumber salad and some miso soup. By the time Aaron got home it was 6:30 and Nova had not taken anything closely resembling a nap.

As we got ready to head to the sushi restaurant she went into her usual freak out mode about the littlest things "My underwear is tooooo tight!!!!" and "I need my blue pencil! Where is my blue pencil???" and "My legs are too tired to walk." We finally had to bribe her by promising to stop and buy gummy bears (her latest fixation) if she could sit nicely in the restaurant. Even as Aaron and I exited our front door with her clutching his neck and screaming about the seams on her socks I found myself muttering "Why are we going through with this?" and praying rapidly to the Gods of fussy children everywhere. The overtired and cranky meltdown potential was very high. Anyone in their right mind would have decided to stay home. It was an entirely selfish act, motivated by the flavor of soy sauce and wasabi.

Luckily our favorite sushi spot is kid friendly and full of wonderful distractions like glowing stars painted on the walls and flat screen TVs. They also brought us some of those fabulous little chopstick trainers that help kids learn to use chopsticks. Something really triggered a challenge in her and somewhere between ordering our food and receiving it Nova decided that she was going to master the art of the chopsticks. I was stunned as I sat across from her and watched her painstakingly eat edaname beans one by one with her chopsticks. She slowly carried one bean at a time to her mouth with the chopsticks. She also managed to pick up quite a bit of avocado and rice. Almost everything made it to her mouth. I was amazed and impressed with how grown up she seemed as she did this highly concentrated task. I felt so proud of her. She remained very well-behaved thoughout our entire meal. And yes, we did stop for gummy bears. What's fair is fair.

Boomerang Back

2008-04-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

Hello. I'm back before you even knew I was gone. . . I forgot to tell you that I would be gone for three weeks on a multi-leg journey to the Heart of America (Southern Illinois) and then on to the Groin of America (Las Vegas). It was quite an interesting journey, a roller coaster ride of sorts.

Things That Sucked

1. Nova getting sick and vomiting less than 12 hours before I am expected to board a plane at LAX, with her ALONE.

2. Traveling on a plane with a vomiting child, navigating the luggage cart, car seat and stroller to the rental car shuttle bus, renting a car, installing the behemoth car seat and then driving three hours through a torrential rain deluge/tornado all while comforting a moaning/gagging/vomiting three year old.

3. The weather. Blame it on my California thin-skin but I forgot how damn depressing nonstop clouds, cold and rain can be. This trip was a vivid reminder of how oppressive the weather can feel.

4. Taking my mother to the funeral home to take care of business. To make "prearrangements" because she definitely wants to be cremated and we both know that it's better to deal with that type of business before the fact, rather than after. It was a weird feeling to be standing there looking at urns with her. She made some good jokes and so did I. We couldn't decide on an urn. They were either too basic (metal box) or too expensive ($450.00 for a teak wood urn). A few days later my mother started mentioning that they should just use this old ginger jar she had. She was serious.

5. Dealing with my incredibly stubborn mother who I miss SO dearly when we are apart but whom I inevitably clash with or feel impatient with at some point in our visit, which I then end up lamenting all the way home and for weeks afterwards.

6.My unusual level of fatigue.

7. The fact that Southwest Airlines misplaced one of our bags upon our arrival to Las Vegas. Thank goodness it showed up five hours later and was delivered to the hotel. I almost cried.

8. People who proudly chain-smoke without any regard to children or visiting relatives in a small house without any open windows or ventilation.

9. Watching mom mom's daily oxygen treatments and knowing that she still smokes a few herself.

10. The palpable sadness that I sometimes feel radiate from small Midwestern towns.

Things that Rocked

1. Taking my mom to get lemon custard at the Dairy Mart.

2. Spending the afternoon with this old friend and her beautiful kids.

3. Attending the wedding of close friends.

4. Staying with our friends over at the Pig Palace and staying up too late talking about things like movie making and pig breeding.

5. Going to City Museum again. It's kind of like going to church for the creative.

6.Eating pancakes at the breakfast table with snow coming down outside in APRIL!

7.Spending a whole day with T, Kate and Piper.

8.Our room at the Mandalay Bay which included a flat screen TV between the dual bathroom sinks.

9. Hearing deep, loud rumbles of thunder late at night.

10. Watching Nova and my mom together.

11. Knowing that I escaped certain harmful cycles and that I have the power to create my life any way I want it.

5 Things

2008-03-14T20:23:00.000-07:00

that made my 38th birthday swell; seeing this charming movie, eating at this restaurant, receiving this cool Barbie from my collectible-encouraging husband, eating this chocolate bar, and receiving a phone call from this old friend. Thank you Birthday Gods!

Happy Birthday To The Evolution of Me

2008-03-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

"I am not a thing, a noun.
I seem to be a verb,
an evolutionary process -
an integral function of the universe."

-R. Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)

Sometimes

2008-03-02T00:40:00.000-08:00

late at night I have dance parties in my living room. . . Just me and my Ipod. . . I like to dance to this song and this song and then this one. I have a lot of fun. Don't tell anyone.

Beard Is The New Black

2008-02-23T23:49:00.000-08:00

Okay is it just me or have you noticed an inordinate number of thirty something men sporting a beard lately? For me it started about a year ago after falling in love with this video. (I do realize that many of my friends are tired of hearing about my Thom Yorke obsession but please cut me some slack because I have few vices left. Thom Yorke and coffee are the only two drugs I have left.) Anyway, back to the beards. . . During an extended road trip my husband started to grow a beard and I encouraged him. I was a little bit surprised at how much I liked it. Soon I began to notice beards everywhere and I realized that some of my male friends were also sporting their own beard styles. I wondered to myself what could be causing this national phenomenon? Perhaps it had something to do with Matthew Fox and assorted male cast members of the hit show LOST. While stranded on a selectively deserted island, what choice is there but to embrace facial hair? I wondered if it might have something to do with the "going green " movement. Having facial hair definitely conserves body heat and it does hearken back to the days of wearing patchouli and living communally. Maybe it just has something to do with the fact that the Gen-X boys are growing up and becoming husbands and fathers and moving into more masculine roles. Those are all just theories. I'm not sure what the deal is but I do know that beards are back and that's alright with me.

Geek Love

2008-02-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

I married a sometime Star Trek geek who also masquerades as a Star Wars geek. Otherwise known as a science fiction geek. But guess what? So am I. Now don't get me wrong, we don't wear costumes or anything (except on Halloween) but we have been to a few conventions/Comicon. And guess what? I love it for the sake of love. I have always been a closet science fiction buff and my husband has helped me to gleefully embrace that side of my personality. Who else could I debate the time/space continuum with and discuss the prime directive? Last weekend we traveled down to Long Beach to check out this Star Trek tour, all because he really wanted to and there isn't really much that he really really requests to do on our all too precious and short weekends.

There is a funny pre-story about how we tried to go as a family the weekend before, but 5 minutes after we entered the building Nova was unfortunately greeted by a large intimidating Klingon and then it was all over for her. She kept repeating "I want to go outside. I want to go outside." over and over again. I assured Aaron that he would have the rest of her life to turn her into a Star Trek geek and then I spoke with the people in charge who cheerfully gave us a voucher for our admission fees so that we could return on a different day sans child. So the following weekend we secured a babysitter and tried the whole thing again. Now that's true love! I drove all the way to Long Beach on two Sundays IN A ROW all for the sake of exploring the outer regions of the universe.

As much as I initially resisted the whole idea (because what woman in her right mind wants to spend a Sunday milling around a crowd of people with Vulcan ears on) I had a great time. I have perceived that Star Trek people are very kind and forgiving. They seem to be an unassuming and nonjudgmental bunch. A trait which must be earned from embracing so many different life forms.

Although I am not the fountain of trivia that my husband is, I did enjoy myself. We rode on simulator rides and had our photos taken on the classic Star Trek bridge (seen above) and we also had a crazy lenticular photo made of us in the Transporter. When you move that image back and forth in the light our images disappear and reappear. I mean come on folks, it doesn't get much geekier than that.

Happy Valentine's Day to the captain of my heart and to all the geeks of the world because I have always believed and will continue to firmly believe that geeks make the world go round. Now live long and prosper.

Nova's Monster

2008-02-09T22:20:00.000-08:00

I've fallen behind on the 'ol blog posts. I've been on an extended mental Christmas vacation. It felt nice to relax and to forget about "acomplishing" for a bit. Now I can feel myself picking up speed as the new year picks up momentum.

Way back in December Nova drew this picture of a monster one Saturday afternoon. Aaron had spent the afternoon with her so that I could go to Target for an extended rendezvous with my ipod because I'm not afraid to look my consumeristic impulses in the face.

I gasped aloud when I picked up this drawing. The detail is so impressive! This is the first picture she has drawn that is really a recognizable form. I love it! I love the nose and mouth and even the detail of the tongue in the monster's mouth.

Back in December she was really on a binge discussion of monsters. I navigated the topic usually by just telling her that there were no such thing as monsters. (Sometimes I'm not sure if that is a lie or not.) We have tried to be somewhat selective with the type of videos and dvds she watches. She had recently seen some snippets of Nightmare Before Christmas and I think this drawing may be loosly based on the Oogie-Boogie man. She has also seen The Little Mermaid with the big octopus lady (forgive my Disney lapse.)

Whatever it was that inspired her, it really got her creative juices going. I was so proud to see her first "real" drawing of something. And the teenage goth deep inside of me was somewhat proud of her very serious subject matter in the midst of the holly jolly holidays. But don't worry too much. . . I'm fairly certain that she turned around the next day and had a princess tea party with Santa.

And lately her fixation with monsters has been replaced with a dinosaur fixation due to the fact that she has been watching old Land of the Lost dvds with Aaron.

My Soul Has Been Replaced With a Facebook Addiction.

2008-01-17T17:28:00.000-08:00

Seen At The Local Mall

2008-01-09T10:59:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I noticed that one of the clothing stores had a large sign on the front window which read "GLOBAL WARMING PANIC SALE - 60% OFF!!" I found this to be an incredibly disturbing and tasteless marketing campaign. But then again aren't most marketing tactics disturbing and tasteless?

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T10:21:00.000-08:00

In 2008, may your fountains overflow with champagne, may your heart overflow with love and may your life overflow with joy.

The Past

2007-11-27T15:38:00.000-08:00

"Let the past as nothing be." - Abraham Lincoln

For some unknown reason I have been thinking a lot about my past and about the emotions I experienced during certain periods of my life. This quote is difficult for me to fully grasp and ironically Lincoln was from Illinois, my home state where much of my past passed. I love the spirit of this quote but I think sometimes it is necessary to examine the past in order to avoid pitfalls of the future. Of course there is a difference between examining the past and getting stuck in it. If only the past were a big old building that we could drive by and admire without ever stopping.

We Breezed Right Past Thanksgiving

2007-11-25T22:28:00.000-08:00

We had a great time in San Diego visiting relatives. Hope you had a good one and that you found many things to be thankful for.

Photobooth Friday - Digital Bonding!

2007-11-16T11:15:00.000-08:00

As much as my heart belongs to all things vintage, we must not shun new technology. Or maybe it's just the fact that I cannot resist a photobooth whether it's old school or new tech. The one thing I love about the new tech photobooth is the dual strip action. Hopefully the digital ink will hold up (I'm doubtful) and I can give Nova one of these strips one day. If not, it's scanned and archived. This strip was taken recently near the end of October, near Nova's 3rd birthday. I love the fact that she was so into it and willing to mimic my facial expressions. It brings tears to my eyes because it shows me that she is no longer a baby or a toddler but she is in fact growing into a little girl who can sit in a photobooth and make funny faces with her mama.

Until Next Year . . .

2007-11-04T19:44:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Halloween, until next year. . .Each year as we release our embrace it is bittersweet (like a bite-size Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate.) I do love you so, with your golden carpet of leaves and enchanting making-adults-act-like-children ways, forcing us to laugh fear in the face. I will miss your special spot in my Target shopping experience. They are already heartlessly replacing you with Christmas. I will find a way to cope with your absence. I will look forward to the future we will share together next year. I will always carry you in my heart even as I pull out the boxes of Christmas decorations . . .

Happy 3rd Birthday Pumpkin Princess!

2007-10-31T23:01:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that it has been three years ago that I lay staring out at the dusky Hollywood Hills from the hospital bed with an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose. Moments later I was told that we would need to do an emergency C-section. I didn't take the news very well, but after a long day with not much progress and several weakening fetal heartbeat scares it became apparent that they would just have to go in and get you. You didn't seem to have any plans to come out. When they pulled you out it was visible that the umbilical cord had indeed gotten wrapped around your neck. You entered the world in quite a dramatic fashion on quite a dramatic day (October 31st) and that is also how you live most days.

My little dramatic Scorpio girl with the fiery temper, intense emotion and dreamy blue eyes. You are a wonder to behold. From the day you were born your will has been a blessing and a challenge. I love the fact that you are not frightened by very much (except for masks and the shark from Finding Nemo) and that you demand detailed explanations of everyday routines and you ask me "why?" about 300 times a day. I love that you are social to the point of stalking other children. You insist that they hold your hand as you walk with them (sometimes against their will.) You are a girl who knows what she wants and you've always been very good about communicating those needs.

So much has passed and changed over the course of three years. You have grown from a helpless red-faced infant to an independent flaxen-haired girl who firmly says "I'm frustrated!" when I won't let you watch the same episode of Blues Clues or Lazy Town (one of the most disturbing kid shows ever) for the 10th time that day.

At times you are so easy to please. You love everything. A little bug on the window will entertain you with an hour worth of stories about the bug's family, where the bug was going, etc. Give you some Play-Doh and pipe cleaners and you would think that I just handed you the winning Mega lotto ticket. Nothing makes you happier than peeling all the skins off of a new box of crayons.

At other times your demands are so intensely specific that I consider thumbing through the yellow pages for the nearest child psychologist. You must be covered by a certain blankie (ol' Trusty) at a certain angle with a certain unraveled corner thread within reach of your little twisting fingers. You are a stickler for specifics and your memory is constantly astounding us. For instance, there are several Mylar balloons which have graced your young little life and which I have discreetly disposed of after their deflation date and yet you still manage to name them and hunt for them. Luckily, diversion tactics usually work quickly before too much maternal guilt sets in.

You are a party girl and a scientist all wrapped up into one. There is nothing you love more than turning on the spinning disco ball and having a dance party. Then in the next minute you will decide that absolutely every CD case must be removed from the shelf and aligned on the floor in a path-like formation which snakes throughout the entire apartment.

You are everything I ever dreamed of in a little girl, just the right blend of princess and tomboy. You make me laugh almost as much as you make me cry (just kidding). You have a great sense of humor and wonderfully joyous spirit. You are nonstop fun, energy and enthusiasm. In fact, if I wasn't your mother I would still want to be your friend. You are absolutely my sunshine even when skies are already sunny. I couldn't have asked for anything more from my little Halloween princess. Happy 3rd Birthday, Nova!

First Day of Preschool

2007-09-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

I'm Back!

2007-09-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

My summer blog brush-off is finally coming to an end. I know my two loyal readers are very excited. If you've checked in on my status recently, I would like to give you a big THANKS! It feels good to know we are not alone in cyberspace. It is also cool that several old friends have contacted me through this blog. Ah, the magic of the internets!

August was a rocky month. I am happy to see the calendar flip to the new fresh month of September. For most of August, Nova seemed to be a walking boo-boo magnet which culminated on August 10th with our first official trip to the emergency room. She unfortunately needed to receive three small staples on the back of her head to help close a small but bloody cut that she received when she fell off an ottoman at a local discount store. (Which I will never visit again because they were extremely rude in the manner in which they told me they were at no liability for the accident. No concern whatsoever for the condition of my child who was bleeding from my her head!)

Luckily, the emergency room experience was not too bad. Fortunately Nova is fine and it was only a surface injury (to her scalp and hidden under the hair.) The most difficult part was the sickening five minutes it took between holding her down, the ER doctor shooting the staples, and the silent pause followed by her heartbreaking cries. I was sick to my stomach for the rest of the weekend. It really forced me to do a lot of thinking about the hard stuff of parenting like injuries and illnesses and how nothing prepares you for the gut-wrenching vulnerability you feel when something happens to your child. God bless those parents who have to deal with a long-term health crisis.

Nova is back to her usual self, a pistol. I wish I could say that this incident made her more cautious or made her slow down, but it hasn't . . . Did I mention that she fell in a koi pond this month also? Luckily we were at the home of relatives and it was a shallow pond without injury. I was standing right next to her and was able to quickly grab her out of the water. She was a little stunned by it but not enough to crimp her style.

When we weren't taking care of boo-boos this month, we were potty-training. Which was 90% successful thanks to the bribery technique (and thanks to the .99 cent store for providing a plethora of cheap trinkets.) Potty-training is an intimidating and delicate process. I really don't believe the parents who insist their child was using the toilet by the time they were one year old. Even if you are lucky and potty-training goes very smoothly, there will inevitably be much time spent scrubbing Curious George underpants in the bathroom sink. Not to mention how quickly it complicates outings and errands while your child learns the art of "holding it."

Potty training has been in preparation for starting preschool next week. I am very excited for Nova and a little bit sad about how quickly she is growing up. We are joining a preschool co-op where I will also work one day a week in exchange for reduced tuition. It will be a big change for us and I am nervous but also looking forward to having a little time to myself each week. I am confident that all of these new changes will bring good things. I wish the same for everyone as they undertake September's new plans. It doesn't quite feel like the end of summer here yet, as we are five days into a 105+ heatwave. Summer holds on tight here in SoCal!

Sad Day in L.A.

2007-08-07T23:37:00.000-07:00

RIP - Hal Fishman. I will miss hearing his voice on the nightly local news. I will also miss his very entertaining and opinionated commentaries. He was an old school classic.

We Will Return Shortly

2007-07-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

I am still here, but this blog is on a reduced summer vacation. I will be back to more frequent posts sometime in the near future. Stuff I've been doing: Working on my screenplay, taking Nova here (where Gwen Stefani also happened to be with her son that day) and here which is such a beautiful and old carousel, eating Dreyer's slow-churned vanilla ice-cream from real ice cream dishes given to us by friends, playing the American Idol Karaoke game, watching Little Miss Sunshine which we loved, spending time with my friend who just had a beautiful new baby on June 1st, trying to come up with a new potty-training strategy to get Nova ready for preschool by Sept. 1st, working on Sparkle Factory to get it ready for fall sales, and sometimes guiltily perusing this website which I am very ashamed to admit. The next thing you know I'll be buying US Weekly. There you have it. Just in case you were wondering, I'm still here. If I haven't returned your email yet, I apologize. I'm stuck in a summertime laze.

Her First Album Out Soon

2007-07-19T22:30:00.001-07:00

My Proudest Parenting Moment So Far

2007-07-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

Conversation heard Saturday at lunchtime:

Me: "Nova, come over here and eat your lunch at the table!"

Nova: "But Mommy, Soul Train is on!"

Red Saturday / Pink Sunday

2007-07-14T23:46:00.000-07:00

I'm cheating on Color Week and combining my Saturday and Sunday. I think red and pink belong together anyway. It's been a fun week of looking thru my photos for color!

Friday - Orange Delight

2007-07-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

I love orange very much. Our living room has been painted orange for 6 years and I'm still not tired of it. I really fell in love with orange when I saw it work together with pink. Orange, red and pink are the holy trinity of visual pleasure. Orange is supposed to promote communication. I think it also promotes happiness.

Thursday - White/Brown/Black

2007-07-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

I love these neutral colors. Often overlooked but very significant, like many things in life.

Wednesday - Green Acres

2007-07-11T00:36:00.000-07:00

O lovely green, beloved cousin of blue, you are so vibrant, rich and true. So healthy, invigorating and alive. I want to rest under a rich green canopy of leaves on the softest plush grass you can find. That is the true fountain of youth. These photos are from our recent blissful vacation to the midwest.

Let's keep the planet this way.

Tuesday - Blues With a Kick

2007-07-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

Blue is my home planet. Especially aqua blue. I am a Pisces, a water sign, a mermaid at heart. I have loved blue since I was a little girl. It's not just about water but anything that falls into the blue category. I can spot an aqua blue object from a mile away. It's like I have a natural intuitive blue sensor. Blue is relaxing and calm. It's poetic and poignant. It's the ocean, it's the sky and so much inbetween. Blue is like heaven for me.

Blue Monday is one of my favorite retro dance songs and Blue is also one of my favorite movies of all time. I wrote a haiku about blue here.

Color Week - Mellow Yellow

2007-07-09T12:35:00.001-07:00

I haven't always loved yellow. It can be annoyingly bright and glaring at times. It wasn't until I noticed how well it goes with red and orange that I was able to fully embrace it. That and the undeniable effects it has on your mood. These are some yellow tractor parts taken during our recent visit to the farm.

Thanks Hulaseventy for the colorful inspiration.

Photobooth Friday - M & M's Part 1

2007-07-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

This is the first half of a photobooth strip taken at City Museum on Saturday, June 2nd 2007. Nova was very hyper and I ended up bribing her with M&M's to take the photo with me. In the top frame you can see her enjoying the first few morsels of M&M's ecstasy. But one thing I learned from my previous 2 photobooth trips was that particular dang photobooth was very quick between takes! In a moment of mommy desperation I grabbed the little bag of M&M's away from Nova and tried to hold it out towards the camera, as if I was like the mom from The Incredibles. Obviously, it didn't work and her eyes just stared up at my hand wondering what kind of cruel game I was playing with her. Thanks to my highly evolved tantrum logic, I was smart enough to quickly release the M&M's back to her posession. What I love most of all is the fact that you can actually see the chocolate drool under her bottom lip.

I think it's so cool that you can buy custom M&M's here.

Visit the home of Photobooth Friday here and the Flickr Pool here.

Have a Free 4th of July!

2007-07-04T00:15:00.000-07:00

Regardless of political convictions or opinions regarding the current state of this country, global warming, etc. - the Fourth of July can be a day to celebrate FREEDOM. Freedom to eat cherry pie, make homemade ice cream, grill hot dogs, light sparklers, paint your face red, white and blue and sing The Star Spangled Banner off-key. Freedom to do nothing more with your day off than sleep late, watch bad movies, spend all day on My Space, or caress your new Iphone. The meaning of this day to me is the gloriously simple and often taken for granted gift of freedom. And thanks to all the souls throughout history that have made sacrifices to ensure that freedom rings. . .

For the Person Who Has Everything. . .

2007-06-30T00:29:00.000-07:00

This is perfect.

Vacation Wonder

2007-06-27T23:12:00.000-07:00

I have been working hard to adjust to life outside of vacation. Vacations are a lot like good massages; the worst part is knowing that it has an end. It was a long vacation. 3 and a half weeks of visiting family and friends, interspersed with glorious American interstate road trip. It's hard to imagine that I would use the word "glorious" to describe seven days in a car with a 2 and a half-year-old. Nova did a great job. She seemed to enjoy looking out the windows at the passing scenery. She took a two to three hour nap most driving days. I was also fully armed with a portable DVD player and my cherished Ipod (fully loaded with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, PeeWee Herman and The Electric Company), lots of snacks, and a dozen wrapped $1.00 gifts (stickers, etc. from Target $1 Spot) - these "purprises" made excellent bribe material.

Our first stop was Hotel Albuquerque in NM. It was a beautiful hotel with a large grassy lawn, a small chapel, a classy pool and hot tub area, and refreshingly happy employees. It was also a reasonably priced Sunday night stay. We loved it so much that we decided to stay there again on our return drive home. There was a beautiful wedding reception taking place on the lawn each time we were there. Nova loved sitting in the not-too-hot hot tub with us. We stayed for one night between Oklahoma City and Flagstaff.

We had a brief stopover in Oklahoma City to visit with my sister and her family and then we headed to Waterloo, IL to visit friends. We had a great time with our thoughtful hosts who had even set up a small play area with table and chairs and toys for Nova. For three days we enjoyed dining outside on the patio, chasing lightning bugs and staying up late sipping "Patterson" cocktails and discussing movies. We visited the fabuloso City Museum which I've already mentioned twice, historic St. Charles, MO and other assorted St.Louis landmarks. The weather was stunningly beautiful and our hosts made us feel so welcome that we were sad to leave.

The journey was still just beginning. Our next and furthest destination was to my hometown of Salem, IL the home of William Jennings Bryan and Miracle Whip salad dressing. I will always have a complicated love/hate relationship with my hometown. I still see the town in two ways at once: the foggy flashback of what the town was to me as a child and the constantly changing idea of what the town means to me as an adult/mother. That small conservative town was not always nice to me but now after nine years in Los Angeles, there is a lost beauty in the simple and traditional. Not to mention the lush green nature. I miss the greenness of the southern Illinois area. I've never been satisfied with how brown California is. I miss the oozing, drippy green reflecting up from grass, to trees, to sky.

We were fortunate enough to stay with friends who actually live on the outskirts of town in a small farming community. It was lovely. My dear childhood friend and her family made us feel right at home on their pig farm complete with picturesque pond, trampoline and rustic barn. The grand finale was our Sunday evening outing for pizza at the The Omega General Store, a quaint little general store which also serves delicious pizza and you gotta love the self-serve beer on tap cut right into the wall. The Omega General Store is located near a crossroads on a grid of country roads between vast green squares of crops. The people who walk through the front door are comfortable, friendly and they're probably your cousin. They can tell you if it's going to rain or if it will be an early winter. After dinner we took a drive around a wooded lake area and it was so green and lush that Nova declared "We're in a jungle!"

Visiting the Omega General Store was only one of many small wonderful experiences on this journey. There were a few difficult moments like dealing with my mother's stubbornness, and Nova's stubbornness, and come to think of it I'm pretty stubborn. But those moments were small and fleeting. There was much goodness on this trip. We were blessed with beautiful and mild weather with just enough thunderstorm peppered in to give me a little thrill because we don't get much lightening in L.A.

There are many other tales which perhaps I will get around to telling. In the meantime I am slightly over committed until the 4th of July and then I will finally take a break and get to be more creative with my sharing. Hopefully I will get around to uploading some photos to Flickr. Thanks for all the welcome back greetings. It's nice to know some peeps are checking in on me! I will leave you with a quote which came to mind many times during this vacation.

"I would rather sit alone on a pumpkin than be crowded on a velvet cushion."

- Henry David Thoreau

Photobooth Friday - Going Solo!

2007-06-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

Introducing Miss Nova Scarlett McNally, age 2 years & 7 mos in her first solo photobooth sitting. Unfortunately my big blurry head got in the way of the first frame so I cropped it out. Nova actually enjoyed taking the pictures but she didn't have much patience during the long wait for the actual print to drop out. Of course, neither did I. Eventually I resorted to bribing her with M&M's. I did get four glorious strips accomplished at the incredible City Museum. Thanks to the fabuloso HulaSeventy for giving me the skinny on this photobooth. I wished I had taken about a hundred more photobooth strips, but that would have gotten pretty expensive at $3.00 a pop. It's difficult to imagine ever being satisfied with enough photobooth strips. They are just so much dang fun!

We're Back!

2007-06-20T14:50:00.001-07:00

and suffering from a touch of post-vacation depression. It was a great trip filled with things like hot tubs, margaritas, yard sales, pigs, ponds, thunderstorms, the awesomely incredible City Museum in St. Louis, historic St. Charles, MO, trampolines, old friends, new friends, lightning bugs, ice cream trucks, photobooth strips, playing Guitar Hero, fluffy white clouds, old barns, Hawaiian luaus, the Omega General Store and misc. assorted coffee beverages. Many photos to come.

On The Road!

2007-05-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

We're heading out on vacation to the Midwest to visit friends and family and hopefully see many lightning bugs and big fluffy white clouds. We'll be back in a few weeks and I will have many wonderful new photos to share and maybe even a few photobooth strips. Happy Summer Everyone!

PhotoBooth Friday - My Mom

2007-05-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

In honor of the recent Mother's Day, here is one of the few photobooth pics I have of my mother. It is safe to post this because she doesn't have a computer, nor does she know what a blog is. I believe this photo was taken around 1974 which would have made her 39 or 40 in this photo.

As you can see, my mom has always been a certain type of diva. Check out the beehive-style tease on that hair, and the exotic eyeliner. I have to hand it to her, for a struggling single mom she always managed to pull together a fancy-pants look for herself. I remember watching her for what seemed like hours as she applied makeup and styled her hair. She would even adorn her hair with holiday-themed accessories like hearts for Valentine's Day or little jingle bells at Christmas time. There is even a very funny story of how she once used food coloring to dye her hair green for St. Patty's Day! It took weeks for the green tint to fade. Yes, she was always stylistically ahead of the curve.

Sometimes I get that weird maternal deja-vu as Nova watches me apply makeup in the mirror and I wonder if it's good or bad. Like my mother, I can probably count the number of times on one hand that I have left the house without putting on makeup. I hope to strike some kind of balance with Nova, to feel comfortable with her natural self but to also enjoy the art of dressing up and feeling pretty. Regardless of the bigger implications of vanity and self-esteem, I am grateful that my mom taught me to take pride in my appearance. Even though she will never read this, thanks Mom, for getting down with your bad self and teaching me how to wear eyeliner.

Poetry Thursday - Humor

2007-05-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Where Has the Humor Gone?

Has it slipped away unnoticed?
Under weighty worries of the world
My sense of humor has departed
Or moved to a more accommodating home
Ridiculous to miss it once it's gone

Today's Poetry Thursday prompt is about humor. It was difficult for me to feel inspired and I realized that I probably just don't laugh enough. What can I say? I am a moody bohemian at heart. Although I love the world, it takes a lot to make me laugh aloud. In an effort to trigger some laughter in myself I did a web search and found a site which I found kind of bizarre and funny. Click here to watch people crying while eating.

RIP - Gilmore Girls

2007-05-16T14:45:00.000-07:00

Thanks for seven years of witty dialogue, pop culture banter and memorable characters. For more info about the show click here.

The Type of Cards Exchanged Around Here

2007-05-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day!

2007-05-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day all you crazy multitaskers! May you enjoy a relaxing day of only doing one thing at a time.

Photobooth Friday - Pros and Cons of Digital

2007-05-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

This is an exploration into the pros and cons of the new photobooth technology. First we explore the cons: The above photobooth strip was taken yesterday at a local shopping mall. Nova and I met one of our playgroup friends for lunch. After lunch we headed to the photobooth. We took a gamble on the Black & White setting and this is what we ended up with. The photo came out very light and underexposed, as if the digital print heads were almost out of ink. It's a shame, because as you can see it was a very active photo shoot. Between my friend's very pregnant belly and the 2 thirty-pound monkeys on our laps, it was very funny in there. I wish the photos had turned our better. We ended up looking like weird nose-less ghostly apparitions. This never would have happened in an old-school photobooth where the prints are processed like actual photographs. Phooey on digital. On the other hand. . .

Thanks to the magic of digital technology, anybody can have their photo taken with E.T. This photo was taken in a digital photobooth at Universal Studios last year on my 36th birthday. As you can see, it's like E.T. is right there in the booth with us. A childhood dream come true. It also provides hours of entertainment for Nova (who was with a babysitter on this day) and who really thinks we touched an alien. There you have it, my love/hate relationship with the new digital photobooth technology.

Poetry Thursday - Randomizer

2007-05-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

Where does the fault lie?
Underneath the dusty soil
Right next to regret.

Over at the funtastic Poetry Thursday they have set up this new-fangled random prompt generator known as "The Randomizer." This week's poetry prompt was to use it. I wrote this simple little haiku based on the random word "fault." Check it out.

YouTube Question

2007-05-10T08:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend I tried to post the Thom Yorke - "Videotape" video to my blog. I could not get it to show up. This morning I woke up to find it had posted three times to my blog. Can anybody tell me, is there always a 4-day delay before YouTube videos show up on your blog? Thanks for any info.

Kite Flying Weekend!

2007-05-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

Thom Yorke - Videotape

2007-05-06T10:10:00.001-07:00

Ladies (and maybe some men), want to experience a romantic affair without all the pain and regret? Here's how: Get your kidlets tucked in for their bedtime and hubby tucked away and sufficiently snoring. Have yourself a nice glass of Shiraz or Merlot (only one). Turn off all the lights and gaze into your lovely glowing screen (or snuggle down with your video Ipod) and watch this video. I have always loved Thom Yorke but never before has his raw talent and pure beauty been as visible as it is in this video. Some may say he's crazy (because of his doom and gloom perspective), but I say he is the definition of poetic brilliance. May he never stop writing. Warning: this may give you chills and/or move you to tears.

PS. I tried to post the video directly to my blog but I'm not having much luck. This video is available for purchase on iTunes which I highly recommend for a more intimate quality. Also please don't worry, my husband and I have a prearranged agreement that there are only two men I could ever leave him for (Johnny Depp or Thom Yorke) and since they both seem happily married and I am not in the market, I'll settle for video snippets.

Poetry Thursday - Free Day

2007-05-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

1120 S. Rotan
It was not so long ago
That I stood outside the shingled house
Fresh white tennis shoes
Browned by dusty mud
Dirt splattered upwards
With each plump drop of rain
Through the canopy of trees
I knew the sadness of the place
Would haunt me down the road
The way ditches carry debris
And crab apples rot on the ground
Cursed when stepped upon
Like obstacles of blame
I can't view a barren landscape
Without longing for a grassy yard
And escape from gnarled roots

This was a very quick poem written during Nova's daily Barney episode. I have been doing a lot of emotional work on deep childhood issues, in the hopes that it will make me a better parent in the long run. At the least, it makes great fodder for poetry. Please check out more Poetry Thursday here.

Yard Sale Love - Star Princess!

2007-04-30T15:43:00.000-07:00

At a yard sale on Saturday I scored this awesome vintage mint-condition unused and unpunched paperdoll set called Star Princess and Pluta (her robot sidekick). It is copyright 1979. This cool book also includes pieces to make the "North Star Space Base" and an "Outer Planetary Playscene." I got this treasure for the unbelivable price of $2.00!

I love the fact that the cover says "It's NEW spaceplay for girls!" I think I will have to keep this treasure as a heirloom collectible to give to Nova someday. It was also acquired at one of those interesting yard sales that I will always remember.

As soon as we pulled up to the little house in Burbank I realized that we had been there several months ago and I had gotten some cool stuff. The modest little home was being gradually cleaned out by the children of an elderly woman who passed away last year. This woman had really been into astrology and she had loads of books on the subject, posters, solar system mobiles, and books on aura-reading and other really quirky new-agey subjects. She also seemed very involved with the Catholic church and she had tons of educational supplies for children. Just by browsing through her posessions, I could sense that she had a great love for children and animals.

There were also many art supplies and a vast and interesting record collection. I could have easily stayed there for several hours looking through everything. Alas, time is limited when you are dealing with a 2.5 year old. Aaron was gracious enough to keep her entertained for the half hour I did spend looking. As I paid for my treasures I spoke with the woman's grown daughter who was very kind. I said "Your mother seemed like a very interesting woman." She said, "Yes. She was a real renaissance woman. We miss her very much." Not only did I find a great treasure, but I felt like I had an opportunity to glimpse a very unique life. I have a feeling that this woman had considered herself a kind of Star Princess. But all of these are just first impressions that I got from 30 minutes at a yard sale.

It reminds me of an old box of black & white photos that I once saw at a flea market. There was a big sign posted which read "Instant Relatives." I always liked that idea very much.

Photobooth Friday - Little Me

2007-04-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

I think these photos were taken when I was around five or six. There was one official photography business in the little town where I grew up. He was known as "Nip." I have faint memories of going to his store where he had a little photobooth like setup in one corner. I remember going there several times as a child and getting very excited by the whole photo process. As I got older the business became known as "Nip's Creative Photography" and he began to specialize in high school senior portraits. That is another post altogether :)
Unfortunately, many of these photostrips from my childhood have been damaged over the years. Now that I have a scanner, I plan on doing a little photo restoration. The bottom frame of this photostrip reminds me of this post just a little bit.

Poetry Thursday - Villanelle

2007-04-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

I did not even know what a Villanelle was. Unfortunately, mine is only halfway finished. I will save it for a future day. In the meantime, please check out Poetry Thursday.

More Jellyfish

2007-04-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

When I pressed my hand up against the thick plexiglass tank, I swear I could feel their energy radiating.

Martinis & Jellyfish

2007-04-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

I have been missing in action because we took a little trip to Vegas. Hubby had a work-related convention and we went along for the ride. My sister also flew out and did some much appreciated babysitting so we could go out to this place and have dinner. Dinner was followed by perhaps the best desert drink in the world, the expresso martini: vodka, coffee, and chocolate all in the same drink. Sheer decadence. What more could a woman ask for?

We stayed here and Nova thought it was really cool to stay in a giant pyramid. There were a few minor glitches like the fire alarms going off at 3am which woke us all up and sent me into a supernatural adrenaline charged maternal baby-saving machine. We finally learned that someone had vandalized a fire alarm outside by the pool area. Unfortunately, the adrenaline had already traveled my entire bloodstream and I could not go back to sleep for several hours.

We also got a chance to visit Shark Reef at the the Mandalay Bay and I cannot express my love of the jellyfish tank. I could have stood there all day watch the ghostlike apparitions floating around each other. It was incredible. It was worth the $15.00 admission to see some of the freakiest looking sea creatures on earth.

We also swam in the pool, drank too many lattes, bought things we didn't need at an outlet mall, and danced in a nightclub on the 64th floor with a breathtaking open-air view of Vegas (and an amazing restroom with private glass-walled stalls overlooking the view - so you can pee while you're on top of the world.) Although Hubby was gone working most of the time, as you can see we managed to squeeze a lot of fun into the trip.

I am grateful that I was distracted during all of the ugliness in VA. It is escapist, I know. I can get too easily worked up about violence among our youth. My prayers go out to all of those people whose lives were permanently altered by this violence.

Fortunately for me, I was stuck in escapist heaven. We will save that for a different post - the mythology of Vegas and the escapist tourism market. We didn't have much time to gamble, so unfortunately we did not hit the jackpot and will not be able to solve the world's problems. . .

Poetry Thursday - Dropping a Line

2007-04-12T00:05:00.001-07:00

Out to meet the sand
Pink evening sky
Solo joggers passed by
Our shining beach moment
Thickened salty faces
The hardened callus of your hand
The evening held its breath, and then
Returned us to our places
Of predetermined currents
And geographical proportions
Connected by the memory of
Our raw passing graces

I love this week's Poetry Thursday prompt. Participants leave one line of their own poetry to be used by someone else in a new poem. The line I used was "the evening held its breath, and then." I borrowed the inspiring line from this participant and talented poet. The original poem which contains the line is here. Thanks Pauline!

Sugar Hangover!

2007-04-09T15:29:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter / Spring Resurrection!

2007-04-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

Not a Photobooth, but Deserving of a Post

2007-04-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

Too Poetry to Write Busy

2007-04-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

But click here for some Poetry Thursday.

O Happy Day! & Photobooth Friday

2007-03-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

No Poetry Thursday this week as I have been greatly distracted by the arrival of my belated birthday present from hubby. YEAH! We finally have a scanner!!! I have been yearning for so long to digitize & restore all my old family photos. This also opens up a whole new window for blog creativity!! Now I can finally start participating in the well-loved and exciting ritual of Photobooth Fridays which was started by the lovely hulaseventy who is on hiatus at the moment due to a major cross-country move. So this one's for you, Andrea! I can't wait for you to get settled and re-enter the blogosphere. This photobooth strip was taken about three years ago here. Sadly, they have since replaced the old-school photobooth with one of those new-fangled digital ones. Don't you just hate that? It's just not the same.

Daddy Rocks the Field Trips!

2007-03-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

Poetry Thursday - Image Inspired

2007-03-22T12:36:00.000-07:00

We jumped into the car at dusk

No thought to approaching storms

A green Midwestern haze

Hung low over the fields

Maniacal driver behind the wheel

Open window gusts blew through

The massive creaking seats

Had never heard of seat belts

No such thing as stop signs

Down those deserted country roads

As we bounced over hills

We passed our teenage ghosts

Abandoned railroad tracks

Stoner oil fields of long ago

As we barreled into the darkness

We chased Superman

And the ability to fly backwards

Fast enough to change time

The Buick did not break the barrier

A sad and awful truth

But at least we tried

During that last great joy ride

The Happiest Place on Earth

2007-03-16T14:46:00.000-07:00

No poetry this week. I took a week off for my 37th birthday which was last Saturday 03/10. We celebrated it well. Hubby took the day off work on Monday and we went to Disneyland. We had a great time and Nova really loved it. Disneyland is such a mythical place. We took Nova for her first visit in December and it ended up being a very stressful day. Nova was out of sorts and then came down with a cold only two days later. This time she was healthy and knew what to expect. We talked to her and explained the rides with her. She was a good sport and she even went through Pirates of the Caribbean (although she had her eyes closed and her head pressed into my chest the whole time.) We waited a miserably long time in line to meet Mickey Mouse. When our turn finally came Nova gave him the longest sweetest hug ever. After Pirates, we asked her what last ride she wanted to go on and she gleefully screamed, "It's a Small World!" It had been the only ride she had enjoyed on our first visit.

I also have an intense love of It's a Small World. How can you possibly take that ride and not come out happy?!? Also, the kitsch value is incredible. It's like a ride down a 1960's toy aisle in Willy Wonka's boat. And one cannot deny the message of global unity. It's what Disneyland should be, a wide-eyed innocent fantasyland.

Unfortunately the flip side of Disneyland is that it's also a parental torture ground, a confluence of miserable elements: hot searing sun, long lines, high expectations, impatient & overtired children, tired feet, although they try to hide it well: an abundance of disgruntled employees. Luckily we were able to overcome the dark side and Nova's sheer joy on the rides was enough to fuel our endurance.

Ever since our DLand day, Nova has been obsessed with the place. She has actually broken into tears a few times and we've had to promise her that we will return to Disneyland again. She is very dramatic besides simply being female. She will dramatically put her hand to her head and burrow it into the pillow. When I ask her what's wrong she says, "I'm sad because I miss Disneyland!" I have had conversations with several friends about the fact that Disneyland is a very emotional place. So many expectations and unfulfilled childhood dreams. The good news is that we purchased the famous "2-fer" southern California tickets and we will be able to return to the California Adventure park for free within the next 30 days.

I planned on writing a big long post about my 37th birthday manifesto, but that will have to wait. For now I am trying to play catch up after our month long bout of sicknesses and our week long birthday celebrations. More photos to come soon. ..

Poetry Thursday - Letter To Red

2007-03-08T10:25:00.000-08:00

I never liked you much
Bold aggressive primary
With your headache hues
And demanding stain
But when you touched my lips
With your Jezebel tint
Suddenly you were passion
Bloody, raw and attentive
And then the sky at night
Making sailors happy
And I knew there was more to you
A full side of magenta grace
Traipsing through the world
On cotton candy heels
I wanted a part of it
Chasing your manifestations
And painting my room a fine shade
Of Pepto-Bismol pink
But underneath you were always red
Now we've come full circle
And you will haunt my history
With your thumbprint on my child
A Scarlett middle name

This poem is quick and unrevised but it did give me a moment to examine the feelings behind how we ended up with Nova's middle name "Scarlett". Aaron and I both have an odd connection with the color red. For more Poetry Thursday, click here.

March of Gratitude

2007-03-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

Thankfully, it seems the sicknesses are on their way out. Nova is finishing her course of antibiotics and I am finally feeling free of cold/congestion! Woohoo!! In order to start the month off right and to leave behind the darkness that was February I plan to focus on the things I am grateful for. Thanks, Kate and Pink Granite for your inspiration. Here is a short list of the moment:

I am grateful for the mild California weather. During the winter months I do appreciate the fact that while many of my friends and family have to scrape the ice from windshields and shovel walkways I can easily throw on a jacket and walk down the street to the coffee shop. The weather is definitely something I would miss if we move from California.

I am grateful for my healthy, wildly curious and adventurous daughter. Even though she loves to test my boundaries from sun up to sun down, I wouldn't have her any other way. She is always up for an adventure and she has such a joyful and social spirit. I am grateful for the opportunity to share and shape her life.

I am grateful to my loving husband who is sometimes forced to put up with a lot. Marriage is not always easy but it is easier when you know that you have a partner willing to work through the tough times with you. I am grateful that I found such a partner and I look forward to many more fun adventures and persevering through the rough patches.

I am grateful for my good health and the health of many of my loved ones.

I am also grateful to be privileged enough in this modern world to occasionally indulge in things like cafe lattes, dark chocolate and listening to new songs on my Ipod. I realize there are many people on this planet whose day to day concern is finding enough food for their families. I am grateful for the little joys in my life.

Thank God For The Sunny Yellow Table and Chair Set!

2007-03-01T22:43:00.000-08:00

No Poetry Thursday today because I haven't had time or been inspired to write much of anything. It has been a house of sickies. I have been home with a sick two-year old for the last five days. I am just now feeling better myself after fighting thru a nasty head cold that came on over last weekend. Not to mention that Nova has been sick for 3 weeks out of the last 5 weeks. It's hard to tell where one cold ended and the other began. This last week was the worst, involving a fever of 103 and a quick trip to the pediatrician who finally gave her antibotics due to her junky cough. After a few doses her fever has come back down to normal and she has perked up a lot. I am hoping that the month of March brings much warmth, sunshine and good health for everyone I know. It seems like it has been a bad flu season. It also seems like one of the realities of having a toddler. Welcome to the "Mommy becomes a germophobe" phase of parenting!

I am not proud to say that Nova has watched so much TV this week that I am certain that I've done permanent damage to her brain. I am also starting to hear Barney's voice in my head whenever I am standing alone in the kitchen. Tonight, Aaron put Nova to bed and told me to go out and get a break. It was already 8:30 and the only thing I could think about doing was going to a bar and ordering a whiskey on the rocks and smoking a cigarette. But that's just not a very responsible Mom thing to do. Instead I went to JoAnn's Fabrics and spent $20 on my unused crafting supply addiction. But at least that brief 45 minutes out in the cold night air amongst other adults helped me shake Barney's voice for a bit. I am looking forward to getting back to the sunny side of things.

Yard Sale Love!

2007-02-25T11:18:00.000-08:00

While out "yard-sailing" on Saturday we scored this awesome retro yellow table & chair set for $100. We have been looking around for a new set at Ikea but nothing really felt right to us. As soon as I laid eyes on this set I knew that I wanted it. Unfortunately, they had a sign posted on it asking $200 which seems like a lot to me for something vintage because I have a die-hard Midwestern secondhand haggling gene. The set is in excellent condition but I took the jump anyway and blurted out, "Would you take $100 for it?" To my astonishment, without hesitating the woman answered "Yes." And in an unbelievable gesture of yard sale kindness, they even delivered it! Can you believe that? The whole purchase and exchange really cheered me up.

This table and chair set makes me very happy. I have been so tired of our apartment lately and this little purchase just bought me some sunshine. It is such a sunny color. How can you not love it? I think I have really overlooked the value of the color yellow. For the last several years I have been in love with red and orange, which are fine colors. But this table set reminds me of a warm, sunny childhood memories. I clocked so many childhood hours both occupied and restless at tables similar to this one while my mom drank pots of coffee and gossiped with her girlfriends.

This table makes me think of 1950's kitchens and cherry pie. It makes me think of linoleum, laughter and love, of kids playing underneath it and of late night plotting on legal pads. It triggers memories of the past and hope for the future. I think of all the homework and lists which must have been completed on it's surface. I think of coffee, eggs and bacon early in the morning. I think of creating art projects and writing letters late at night. I hope this table and chair set will be with us for a long time and be at the center of many wonderful memories. After we finally got the table situated and cleaned it off, we ate our first meal from "Henry's Tacos" the local taco stand and Aaron said "I think this table might be magic." I think he's right.

Poetry Thursday - The Body Knows

2007-02-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Bicyclist in the night
I watch from darkened window
Sinew muscle legs
Glide over rain slicked streets
Please take my troubles with you
Like an oilcloth messenger bag
A whirlwind gust of shiny pedals
Grabs me by the heart
Like the time when I was happy
And we played ping pong late on balmy nights
And wondered what the future held
With joyful anticipation
Oh, bicyclist in the night
Here is my heart
Quick before the black silent street
Slices our intent

This poem is loosely connected to this weeks theme "The Body Knows". I have always admired the cyclist's body. The way the legs become like an engine. Strong, bulky legs that are like machines, intent on locomotion. I love the way a cyclist will hunch over and become part of the vehicle for speed. For more Poetry Thursday, click here.

Mid Life Crisis

2007-02-19T14:16:00.000-08:00

It's official. My mid-life crisis is here, which probably has something to do with the fact that I turn 37 next month. It's been slowly building for weeks but it finally came to a head last night with me drinking almost a whole bottle of wine and watching The Hours at 1 am. Yes, the movie came out years ago, but hubby and I are just now getting around to playing catchup with our Netflix. Our movie-watching has dropped significantly since the birth of our daughter several years ago. 2004 - where did the time go?

The movie was just as expected, sad, depressing but with refreshingly deep female roles. The movie stirred me to tears when Meryl Streep gives the monologue to her daughter about how it felt to be young and to wake up with "the thrill of possibility and to think that it was just the beginning of happiness."

I have been struggling so much lately with feeling tired and numbed and lacking in passionate joy? I've also been doing a lot of recent obsessing about my own mortality. I am sure that many moms go through this change after having a baby. Instead of thinking you have endless time to do or not do all of your heart's desires, now you have to think in terms of your child's life span and where they intersect and what all that means. Which leads to the fact that I've been having a recurring knee issue lately which scares me and makes me feel older and vulnerable. Which leads me to think about the fact that my life span is starting to reach the point where wear and tear on the body is inevitable. Which leads to the fact that I should get healthier and workout on a regular basis but I don't because I would rather spend my time frittering around on the Internet, shopping at Target or eating from the box of delicious gourmet chocolates which hubby gave me for Valentine's Day. Which leads me to the fact that I am an escapist but I also believe that hard work pays off. So everyday I tell myself that I am going to save the world, change my life, solve all my problems, etc. once my daughter is in bed for the night. When her bedtime comes I then find myself exhausted and too tired to tackle the mountain of unrealistic expectations that I've set up for myself to accomplish. I feel stuck in a rut that I want out of.

I am not sure what to do other than the things I already do: take care of myself, go easy on myself, pray, positive visualization and a multitude of other self-help techniques gleaned from the three foot pile of half-read books on my nightstand. Blogging about it kind of makes me feel better. It's like going to a short little silent therapist for free. In the meantime I am putting something happier on the ol' Netflix queue.

Happy Luvy Day!

2007-02-14T12:40:00.000-08:00

I hope your day is filled with lots of xoxo. Happy Valentines Day!

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - A Course in Miracles

Poetry Thursday - Math from the Heart

2007-02-01T08:57:00.000-08:00

Reminder, Remainder
Integers of favor
Trap, trapped, trapezoids lost
In our obtuse angles
Calendar calculations
Minutes, moments, memories
Acute feelings divide
Leaving decimals behind
Divisible by space and time
Nothing left to shed
Zero rears it's empty head
Equivalence begins again

For more Poetry Thursday, click here.

My First Meme

2007-01-29T20:25:00.000-08:00

Because I love hulaseventy so much and I know how listmaking helps during uncertain times, here are six possibly unknown things about me:

1. I have been to The National Funeral Director's Convention in Las Vegas, NV. Yes, it's true. Oddly enough, two of my jobs after college have involved working in the "Death Care" industry. The pathway goes something like this: photography-digital imaging-photo restoration-memorial tributes-cremation company. The convention was one of the strangest things I've ever experienced but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It involved "graffiti write-on" caskets, wearable urn pendants, and matchbooks which read "Thank you for smoking - from so and so funeral home." Yes, the industry is as weird and strange as Six Feet Under. Also, most funeral directors tend to have a wicked sense of humor. As much as I wouldn't trade all these quirky memories, I hope that my career in this specific industry is over.

2. I have a deep love for Bluegrass music. It stirs up a lot of feelings about my roots and the geography of where I was raised. I specifically love John Hartford and Alison Krauss. I also love the movie "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" by the lovely Coen Bros. Bluegrass music makes me want to drink sweet tea out of a mason jar while all my white laundry flaps around on the clothesline.

3. I have bunions. They are starting to hurt now sometimes so I bought these, my beloved Yoga Toes which do help somewhat. I hope that I can postpone the surgery for a good ten or fifteen years, because I hear that it is not entirely successful. Bunions suck. They make me feel old and achey. It's a big knot of achey bone under my big toe. Yuck!

4. I generally love weather that's cold, wet and/or rainy. Maybe I've lived in California too long.

5. I have a lovely inoperable orange 50 cc 1979 Vespa scooter sitting outside on my patio. It makes me sad because it sits unloved and exposed to the elements. It used to be operable and I have very fond memories of riding it around pretending that I was in a Depeche Mode video. I have owned it for nearly twenty years. It needs to be restored (to look like the one in the above photo which I snapped at a Vespa rally about 5 yrs. ago) but I don't know when a stay-at-home-mom of an active toddler is going to find the time and money to fulfill this dream. Sometimes I wish I had more patio space but I know that I can't part with my lovely old bruised up Vespa. Oh yeah, the best part is that I bought it for $100 at a yard sale in 1987. As a matter of fact I think my Vespa was the single greatest cause of my strong lifelong yard sale addiction. Can you blame me?

6. I have arachnophobia. I know I'm not the only one. The two worst culprits are tarantulas because they have fur and cave crickets because they are ugly and they jump at you. I can barely stand to see these images without getting the "heebee-jeebees." I hope to overcome this fear someday - out of choice and not necessity.

There you have it, my first meme. That wasn't so bad.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein

2007-01-24T11:09:00.000-08:00

I love Albert Einstein. Besides all that emphasis on the creative side of things I really feel like he was onto something with his space/time theories. Yes, I am a geek and I love anything that relates to time travel or outer space. This photo was taken with my hero at the newly renovated Griffith observatory. He is telling me all of his secrets, perhaps someday I will travel back in time and reveal them to you, unless you meet me in the future first.

My Daughter Sometimes Channels Mick Jagger

2007-01-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

O Holy Night!

2007-01-08T22:47:00.000-08:00

I just can't say enough about this album. I mean, when was the last time a Christmas album got you teary-eyed or gave you one of those awesome song chills? I think I was thirteen and the song was "I'll Be Home for Chistmas"by Elvis Presley. Christmas songs are not generally known for their deep, emotional impact although they do conjure up plenty of sentimental memories. Songs for Christmas does both. I am continually amazed at the musical genius of Sufjan Stevens. The quality and craftmanship of his musical output is a match for the likes of Dylan or The Beatles. He is the new classic. Can you tell I have a bad crush?
I am so in love with this rendition of Oh Holy Night that I must keep it in heavy rotation at least thru February. It was my holiday epiphany song. Don't you just love those deeply personal song epiphany moments - how listening to a song at the right time and place can create a vivid emotional and sensory memory? Those moments just don't happen everyday, especially when you're carting around a chatty, often screaming two-year-old. I will never forget driving to Lake Arrowhead on Saturday, December 16th, 2007 and listening to O Holy Night on the Ipod while watching the California landscape, feeling the holiday energy, and missing many close friends and family that I would sadly not get to see this Christmas.
I listened to this entire 5 CD album on Sunday as I took the ornaments off the Christmas tree. I am having a difficult time letting go of the holidays this year. January can be such a drag. Why does everyone have to start dieting and getting organized and thinking about taxes all at the same time? On top of gloomy account statements and swelling traffic, at least here in LA as everyone returns from their holiday travels. People seem all too willing to get right back down to work. I always want the party to continue, and that has been a problem in my life at times. Thanks to Sufjan and this great album, I don't have to completely say goodbye to Christmas just yet.

Disco Santa Says "Hello New Year and Goodbye Holidays!"

2007-01-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

I love my disco Santa ornament! He lovingly hangs and blesses my cherished retro tinsel tree, which I would love to share more pics of before we dismantel it in the next few days. The holidays have come and gone in a crazy blur this year. I felt very rushed this year, most likely due to a combination of elements including: my demanding screenplay class, selling approx. 80 items on Ebay in the last 90 days, a festive and longawaited visit from my sister, a trip to Disneyland, an unfortunate computer problem that took days to fix and rescue many precious contacts and email, a one day trip to Lake Arrowhead, and frequently unanticipated temper tantrums thrown by my twenty-six month old (which reach new levels of Oscar-worthy drama daily.)

Other than that, I found a few tranquil moments to appreciate and reflect on my current life. It was a good Christmas: we're all in good health, we had plenty of nice gifts, and it was a beautiful day. It was a camera and astronomy themed Christmas this year. I got two new beautiful cameras (which I hope will inspire me to meddle more with Flickr), Nova got a camera from Santa, I gave Aaron a trip to the newly renovated Griffith Observatory and a Moon in Your Room which Nova also loves! Our holidays also included a bad booboo to Nova's lip which Mommy didn't handle very well because there was a lot of blood, too many Starbucks eggnog lattes, my husband going postal as we left Disneyland (and only after the fifteenth park attendant told us that if we were going to watch the fireworks we needed to be in the center roped off aisle), lots of instant snow powder, many viewings of this and this and listening to this.
Also after going here, I decided that our new national pastime is actually becoming shopping which disturbs me greatly and makes me vow that next Christmas will be different and include many more lovingly handcrafted items, if only I can figure out the temper tantrum thing. . . Our New Year's Eve festivities were unfortunately marred by the late night piercing prankster explosion right outside our apartment building which scared the beejeezus out of me as I have an amazingly freakish and neurotic reaction to anything even slightly resembling the sound of a gun. But everything was okay and it was determined to be a firecracker by my fearless husband and rat slayer (which is another story in itself.) 2007 brings an exciting mix of anticipation, fear of the unknown, hope for the future and promise of good things. I feel there are changes on the horizon and I feel open to the possibilities. Pleased to meet you 2007! Bring on the Dancing Horses! Disco Santa promises that this will be the "Year of Transformation."

Go Go Glam!

2006-11-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

This is my first "Self Portrait Tuesday." I'm not even sure it counts because my husband took the photo. I sure do love looking thru other people's self-portraits each week. I couldn't resist this month's theme of "Glam." I would go glam every day if I could, or actually if I had the time and didn't mind getting yogurt and/or apple juice on all the expensive glam accesories. I sure did feel glam in this cheap pink Kmart hat on our recent hayride. The munchkin and sippy cup add such a haute couture touch.

Why Can't Every Day Be a Carnival?

2006-11-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

I Now Have a Two-Year-Old!

2006-11-05T19:49:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a month, but I do have a good excuse. I am taking an online screenwriting course thru UCLA which is really getting the better of me. I am not used to having homework assignments due every week. October was a BIG month for us. Birthday parties every weekend, finally culminating into Nova's 2nd birthday on Oct. 31, my little Pumpkin Princess! We had a grand party on the 29th, at one of those indoor playlands with approx. 10 two to three year olds running around in costumes. There were slides, a jumparoo thingy, face painting, pizza, and the one artifact I never expected to visit my life, a Barney cake! Funny how kids will do that to you! Nova blew out the candle on the first try! She seemed to have a great time. Then barely time to breath and onto the Halloween decadence, candy, skeletons, and champagne for Mommy and Daddy. Let me add that I completely gourged out on candy this year, knowing I had a root canal scheduled on Nov. 2nd. What more perfect excuse to eat loads of candy, a looming dental procedure! The whole month I kept mentally composing these great blog posts about how much I love this time of year and autumn, etc, and before I knew it, poof the month was gone. Now it's on to the end of year Holiday madness! My class will be over on Dec. 6th, I am trying to stay focused and keep my eye on the date. Until then, this whole NaBloPoMo thing is kind of crazy, maybe I'll try it even though it's already Nov. 5th, or maybe I'll end up flaking out. Thanks for the inspiration, Andrea.

Poetry Thursday - Mess With Your Senses

2006-09-28T23:45:00.000-07:00

Didn't have time to write much this week. Sad about that fact, but I have been busy with a fundraising event for this Saturday. It's a great cause but I'll be happy when it's over. This week's Poetry Thursday prompt is to mess with your senses and mix it up a bit. I wrote this poem in the summer of 99 before the whole millenium Y2K thing. It has a little bit of sensory exploration in it, but I was also experimenting with rhyme a little bit. Hopefully, I'll have time to write something new next week.

Transmissions

On an August night outside my window
Signals fly across the sky
The century sits on its haunches
And waits to roll over like a velvet hound
Unborn children twinkle in the stars
The city creaks under the weight
And tangible energy hums
In so many slices of the pie
Apples drop on aluminum siding
Interstates swell with stormy green
Bourbon slides down throats of heartache
First time lovers dream
Mothers stare at luminous moons
Holding futures in their arms
Moments shiver through us
Like rattling subway cars
Opportunity knocks a steady metronome
If only, to keep time with grief
Both depend on a perception
With a flick of the wrist and a strong belief
Glass slides shut on the night
The balmy air slowly drains
And in the stillness of my pink lit room
The signals receive the same

Poetry Thursday - Just Be Yourself

2006-09-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

I love this week's Poetry Thursday prompt, "Just be yourself." This concept has been on my mind a lot this past year, in regards to creating a new identity as a mother and also because I read a book which criticized the term "Just be yourself" under the notion that a truly self-aware and evolutionary person should constantly be changing and shifting. If so, then there is no "true self." A concept I mostly agree with. I don't feel inspired to write poetry this week, because I currently have way to many commitments and responsibilities pulling me in too many directions. I will say that I have been many things and hope to be many more, but mostly I am full of contradictions and I don't think I'm the only one. I am a dreamer, a writer, an artist, a scientist, a lover, and a lazy good for nothing. I am cheerfully miserable at times and miserably cheerful at others. I love God but despise religion. I am very spiritual but just as passionate about science. At times I love the world so much that I can't stand it. I love shopping and hate materialism. I am an optimistic pessimist. I want to be free but I want to feel like I am needed. I am a fiscally responsible party girl. I am a mother and a daughter. I am a giver and a taker. I am a crazy mixed-up mess of many different things, like we all are.

There is one moment that I think of when I consider my "purest" sense of self. I was only twelve years old. It was 1982 and I lived down the street from my best friend, Tammy who had the coolest tree house in the world in her back yard. It was in a big old beautiful tree whose low branches created a perfect palm for a plywood deck. The treehouse itself was a little rickety, but we spent a lot of time trying to "decorate" it with old carpet scraps and hang curtains from tree limbs, etc. We spent a lot of time up there together, scheming about how to take over the neighborhood and concocting pranks to play on her older brother.

One day while Tammy was out of town, I rode my bicycle there alone with my notebook and pencils. I sat in that tree house for a long time and listened to the wind rustle the leaves. I actually wrote a very "deep" poem about the falling leaves and I remember being very moved by the idea that someday I would no longer be a kid, but an independent adult with a lot of freedom and time alone. The idea excited me and simultaneously frightened me to tears. I remember being moved to tears over the magnitude of life, but in a joyful way. It was as if all the possibilities of life fell on me that day, like a leaf gently floating down from the tree. More than anything else in my life, it is that belief in the possibilities which I hope to hold onto as the biggest part of my "true self".

The photo above is what was left of our tree house in December of 2003. I am very grateful to have taken this photo. Sadly, shortly after this picture was taken, the tree was chopped down because it had become too dangerous for the neighborhood kids. The tree had become nothing more than a large dead monument to the past. It had stopped believing in the possibilities.

Too Somber Around Here

2006-09-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

This blog has been a bit somber lately. I guess it's the angst-ridden artist in me coming out, which has been repressed ever since the birth of my daughter and my transformation into a happy, energetic, soothing mommy cleaning machine. To lighten things up, I just want to remind myself that there are certain undeniable things to love about living in Los Angeles.
THE BEACH

Poetry Thursday - Blue

2006-09-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

Today's Poetry Thursday is about one of my favorite subjects, the color blue and its many moods. Unfortunately one of my not so favorite subjects is how my twenty-two month old took nearly two hours to finally go to sleep tonight as we have fallen into an ugly "rocking her to sleep" pattern which activates an extrasensory ability to flutter her closed eyelids open at the very moment you are finally placing her in the crib. Therefore, my lovely muse "Blue" will be shortened to a haiku this evening.

Blue is a devil
Beautiful in skies and eyes
Wretched in the heart

For more Poetry Thursday click here.

RIP - Steve Irwin

2006-09-04T21:24:00.000-07:00

I loved that guy. He truly had a crazy lust for life and he loved the animals so much. I'll miss him, like I miss Hunter Thompson or Christopher Reeve. . .people I didn't know personally who touched my life in some personal way .

Poetry Thursday - In The Pocket Poetry

2006-08-31T00:39:00.000-07:00

This week's Poetry Thursday falls on the twelve-year anniversary of the sadly self-inflicted and untimely death of someone very dear to me. No matter how long it has been, I inevitably think of this person on August 31. For many years I carried a special poem in my wallet which this person wrote for me. It reminded me of being loved so much by this person. Needless to say, it was a long journey and struggle between"needing to remember" and "needing to forget." A few years after I met my husband I cleaned out my wallet and decided that I didn't need to carry this poem anymore. With my husband, I had finally found the love that I had craved so badly. Needless to say, the person who wrote this poem will always be significant and remarkable in my memory and to who I am as a person. I think it is time to finally send these words out into the universe so that they have some life outside of my wallet. At one point I also wrote a poem about carrying the poem in my wallet which I think I will share also. I heart Poetry Thursday.
Here is the original poem:

Poem To The Woman I Love
All the impressive superlatives in the world
Can't convey it
Poets, At least the few this Philistine has read
Haven't really said it
"It" being how I feel about you, only you, Babe.
The feeling so life-enriching--
The emotions that fill my body and soul and mind
The closest way of saying it
Came from the mouth
Of a Transit Authority bus driver in New York.
He was holding the woman he loved
The way I Love You
(A Whole Bunch, Love)
And the guy said to her
Said to her something
I want to say to you.
He said,
Baby,
You're the greatest!
I love you.

He was only twenty-years old when he wrote that beautiful and personal love poem. It is a simple poem but it sure meant a lot to me.
Below is the poem which I wrote after approx. six years of carrying the original poem around in my wallet.

For M (Jan 01, 1972 - Aug.31, 1994)
I do not know where you are now
Memory cradles your brilliant impression
Delicate lashes fluttered like butterflies
Forehead pressed against bare chest
As you reached to inhale
And somehow disintegrated
You pricked my heart as you fled
Always were the one
In the right place at the wrong time
Now years have floated pixie dust
Small peripheral movements of time,
Nobody knows that I keep in my wallet
Your words like folded yellow creases
Hide behind receipts of modern day
Like apparitions slipping in
Dickens Marley brought to life
Resting hands on honeymoon shoulders
Steer my path toward the light
I do not know where you are now
Flickering lights communicate and
If you can see like white-bearded gods do
Then you know how your words are planted
Like glittering gems in my heart